Embarrassed..

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Ok, so wanna hear a humiliating story.. It might not be too humiliating to you, but I get embarrassed easily. So first of all I babysit every Monday usually. Kind of every Monday, it can get cancelled randomly cause you know, life. When it does get cancelled the mother usually tells me the week before in the car when she’s driving me home. The thing is I have a very, very bad memory. I forget things constantly, I need to write everything down. So when she tells me on the way home I always try to write down on my phone whether or not it’s cancelled right away before I forget. But last week I forgot to write it down.

So today when I thought about babysitting I couldn’t remember what she said last week. I remember her saying something. But I am not sure what. I have a bad memory. So last minute I messaged her to ask if I was babysitting or not. But she didn’t reply. So I just thought I would go to their house. I didn’t know if I was babysitting or not. But it’s better to show up when you’re not babysitting then to not show up when you’re supposed to be babysitting. So I decided to walk to their house. The whole walk there I am thinking.. Is it cancelled? I don’t remember what she said. Ahhhh! I should have wrote it down.

So then finally I get to their house. I knock on the door. One of the kids answer. The kid just looks at me normally, doesn’t give me any indication on what’s going on. So I walk in.. And I see the dad sitting on the couch. The dad looks at me.. I look at him.. He keeps looking at me.. There is this awkward silence. Then he says, “umm.. she didn’t tell you?” … And my brain goes, AHHH! I knew it. Kill me. Then I said really flustered and awkwardly, “Oh yeah. I wasn’t sure. I thought she might have said something. Sorry, I thought this would happen. I’ll just see you later then.” And I waved goodbye to the kid and walked out the door.

Oh my gosh! That was so humiliating! That was my actual nightmare! My actual nightmare just came true. I have thought about this happening! I knew this would happen eventually. I question whether or not I am babysitting a lot cause my memory is so bad and I can never remember what she said the last week. I have had horrible day dreams about this happening. Ahh!! Wow, that was horrible. Maybe I get embarrassed too easily, or maybe this is normal embarrassment but fudge, that sucked. I just wanna go bury my head in my pillow now…

But, ok, now lets think of this from another perspective. Yes I was embarrassed and yes it sucked. But I’m okay, I survived. I did something I was terrified of doing and the bad thing happened and I’m okay. You know how sometimes when you think of embarrassing things happening you just think you’ll die if it happens. But you won’t die. You may cry a little after and not wanna show your face again. But you will show your face again, you’ll breathe through it and it’ll be ok. Honestly it’s good to know that I can feel humiliated like that and still be okay. We’ll all be ok. If you go up to that boy you have a crush on and tell him you like him and he says he doesn’t like you back. It’ll be okay. You’ll feel embarrassed and you’ll cry a little. But it’ll be okay, the world goes on. Just be proud that you had the guts to do it anyway. Embarrassment sucks but it won’t kill us, it can actually kinda built character, show us that we can do more then we think we can.

Though some embarrassment can be avoided.. Like what happened to me… Maybe remember to write things down…

-Emily Grace (eroxursox)

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