Not A Badass

Loading Likes...

I wanna be badass. That’s all I ever wanted. Ever since that first day. Man, such a long time ago. Ever since that day when I decided eff you. I was in highschool  I didn’t even swear yet. I was a good little girl. And I discovered something.

I would get hassled on the street by these guys when I walked home. They would come talk to me and be rude. And I hated it and I hated walking home.

But I wore a leather jacket one day just cause I liked how it looked. And I put both my headphones in with my favorite songs playing. And I walked, fast walked. Just looking straight ahead. Not looking around, not looking at my shoes or the scenery. Just looking straight ahead. Not smiling, not frowning, just dead, meaningless stare and blank face.

These boys hesitated before coming up to me. For the first time they second guessed themselves before talking to me. But they did walk up and they starting talking. I couldn’t hear them because of my music. And I just kept walking. I didn’t slow down, I didn’t look at them, I didn’t flinch.

And as they were talking and following me I saw them look at each other. Like confused, like what’s going on. She’s not scared, she’s not annoyed, it’s like she doesn’t care. Cause I didn’t, I just didn’t care anymore. I just wanted them to screw off for good. They stopped talking words that I couldn’t hear and they stopped following me. They just stopped on the sidewalk while I continued to walk as if they were never there.

Then the next day. They looked at me as I walked down the street in the same way as the day before. They looked and they shrugged and walked in the other direction. The boys that had tormented me, just gone like that. All because I dressed a little different. I walked a little different. I held myself a little different. They knew I was done and there was nothing there for them anymore other then ‘I don’t give a eff’ stares. So they left.

I learned something. You can fix things. You don’t have to let people disrespect you. So I stopped letting people disrespect me. From that day on I was different. I walked different, I talked different, I looked different. My heart grew a huge screw off sign. And it saved my life.

I’m not that person anymore. I don’t wear my leather jacket. I don’t stare straight ahead when I walk down the street. I don’t need to. I have learned now that not the whole world is evil. You can stick your head up at the douches. And be nice to the other people. There’s a middle ground between the effing off. Just give it to the people who deserve it. Take that screw off sign off your heart until you need it. Be open until you notice a problem with that’s going on. Then close up.

Walking down the street like that not only caused mean people to not say hi. It also caused nice people to not say hi. I want the nice people to say hi now. I want to give them a chance. Then when I sense mean, my heart sign can come back up and the leather jacket can come back on. But until I need to do that, I wanna look around when I walk, there’s some nice scenery.

There are many times when I miss the badass me. When me telling people that I was considered scary didn’t make them laugh. I was considered scary. And it was amazing. I liked it. I miss it. But I have more people I can say hi to in the store and that’s amazing and I also like that. Man I think I grew up. Don’t know how I feel about that.

-Emily Grace | eroxursox

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CAPTCHA: Enter Numbers