$800 Screw Up

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Update Below*

I’m not okay. I’m not okay. I suck, I fail at things. I screwed up so bad. I keep saying, it’s fine, I’ll just deal with it. And I will. But it’s not fine. I’m so mad at myself. This time I’m not mad at the world or someone else. It’s me, I’m just mad at me. It’s just my fault. I messed up.. I hate myself right now, I feel stupid and embarrassed and sad and angry, I feel all the negative things.

So I got rear ended awhile back. And dealing with all the things related to it has stressed me out so much I can’t even explain it. I am so mad at the guy who rear ended me. So, so much stress and misery has come from that. I cry about it all the time. It has made my stress levels and life issues go through the roof. Just cause some guy didn’t look where he was going.

But then I sit here and blame it on him and the insurance people. And yes they originally caused the stress, but what made the stress ten thousand times worse is me procrastinating everything. I hate myself for procrastinating everything. But I had to, you may not understand but I had to. Dealing with it, thinking about it, talking about it made me miserable. Deathly miserable. The only way I could get through it was to not think about it. The only way I could survive it.

Yeah this sounds all dramatic and stupid. But it’s just me, it’s how my brain works. And I know it’s so stupid and dramatic. And you may think I am traumatized from getting hit in the car. No, that was fine. That’s not the issue. The issue was all the paperwork and getting pulled over cause my car was bashed in. And going to the police station, and dealing with people saying I should be injured but wasn’t. And thinking about having to get a new vehicle and thinking about my vehicle getting written off. There’s so many things I can’t even explain half of it.

It has been killing me with stress, so much I couldn’t handle it without crying and crying. So I procrastinated stuff. I didn’t do important stuff I needed to do. I didn’t pick up important calls I needed to pick up. And something bad happened. Something very bad that makes me hate myself. I just learned what happened a few days ago. And all I wanna do now is cry and hate myself and be mad and sad. I can’t think about anything else other then being mad at myself.

So let me explain what happened. So I left my car at an auto body shop because they told me I could. The insurance was going to write it off and then come pick it up, so they didn’t mind storing it for awhile. But insurance can’t pick it up till I sign the paperwork, which I didn’t know. It had been awhile and the auto body shop said I needed the insurance to pick it up soon or they would need to start charging me $35 per day to store it. So I called the insurance and told them I accept the writing off and money and they can pick up the car. She then reminded me to sign the paperwork. Though I didn’t understand that it needed to be signed for them to pick up the car. I thought me saying yes to it over the phone was enough. So I procrastinated the paperwork more.

I knew I should have call the auto body shop to see if it was picked up, but I was scared that it wasn’t so then I would have to deal with more things so I didn’t call them. Then almost a month goes by and I have missed a few phone calls but haven’t really noticed. Then this is a few days ago when I check my phone messages and have multiple messages about my car and how it has not been picked up because I have not signed the paperwork and they have been charging me $35 per day since Dec. 15. It is now Jan 5. I owe them $770 currently.. I hate myself.

So I sent in the paperwork and am hoping they can pick up the car as soon as possible so I stop getting charged… Then I need to pay back the auto body shop. I am getting money from them writing off my car. So about half of that money that I could be using for many, many, many other important things I need to deal with will be given away because I messed up. I messed up so bad.

I was staring at my bottle of pills for an hour yesterday.. I’m sorry. I know that will upset people. I’m sorry. I honestly have never been so disappointed in myself in my whole life. Never disliked myself as much as I do right now. One thing that has always made life bearable was liking myself, and now I feel like I lost that. I am so mad. I suck. I messed up so bad. I feel like a failure. I want to.. Blah.. let’s just say I want to cry. That’s the better thing to say. I’m sorry.

Don’t go calling me and freaking out. I’m not gonna kill myself. I’m just gonna cry and hate myself.

*UPDATE* This issue has been resolved. I did not end up having to pay anyone hundreds of dollars. The Lord (yes I come from a Christian background.) saved my butt. There was a misunderstanding somewhere along the line and it is all ok. I have almost never been so relieved, like holy. Man it’s gonna be awhile till I learn how to breathe again.. Lesson of the freaking year, DON’T PROCRASTINATE and check your phone messages.

– Emily Grace | eroxursox

One Response to “$800 Screw Up

  • Chandra
    3 years ago

    Oh my goodness. What a blog. What an experience. I’m so glad you didn’t have to pay 💰 $800. Ugh!! Just Breathe!! Learn from this. Dealing with life is hard but NOT dealing with life is harder. But we have all done this and have to learn from it. If we didn’t we r still children.

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