Gilmore Girls Quotes

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If you have never seen this show you will never truly understand me. This show shaped my personality and I live by things it taught me everyday. This show is my second mother. And I thought I would posts some quotes from it. This might not be very entertaining to you but it will bring me the smiles.

To give some context in case you have never seen this. Lorelai is the main character who is amazing! Rory is her daughter. Emily and Richard and Lorelai’s parents. Luke is Lorelai’s love interest. Jess, Dean and Logan are Rory’s love interests. Sookie is Lorelai’s best friend. Paris is Rory’s friend. Michel is a grumpy guy who works for Lorelai. Kirk and Zack are other town characters.

First here are some quotes by the greatest non-existent woman I have ever not met…

Lorelai Gilmore:

  • Lorelai: If you’re gonna throw your life away, he’d better have a motorcycle.
  • Lorelai: I’m attracted to pie. It doesn’t mean I feel the need to date pie.
  • Lorelai: I’m afraid that once your heart’s involved, it all comes out in moron.
  • Lorelai: It’s all any of us wants, to find a nice person to hang out with ’til we drop dead. Not a lot to ask!
  • Lorelai: Oy with the poodles already.
  • Lorelai: It was a great kiss. If one of us had been a frog, it would have had some seriously impressive consequences.
  • Lorelai: You know what I just realized? Oy is the funniest word in the entire world.
  • Lorelai: The Long Island Ice Tea makes you do things you normally wouldn’t do.
  • Lorelai: Reality has no place in our world!
  • Lorelai: Coffee, please, and a shot of cynicism.
  • Lorelai: I managed to find Uno and Checkers, and Battleship and most of the pieces of Candyland. Which I figure, we can mix together to create a fabulous new game, Candyship Battleland. War never tasted so good!
  • Lorelai: Yes, I left behind a glass slipper and a business card.. Just in case the prince is really dumb.
  • Lorelai: I don’t like problems. I avoid them when I can and I don’t like when other people pointing them out to me.
  • Lorelai: I can be flexible. As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.
  • Lorelai: You are full of hate and loathing, and I gotta tell you, I love it.
  • Lorelai: Now repeat after me, I am completely helpless.
  • Lorelai: (While looking at a robot vacuum) You know, if we died right now, and decomposed, it would vacuum us up and no one would ever know.
  • Lorelai: Well, you know my babbling capabilities are infinite.
  • Lorelai: I don’t like Mondays, but unfortunately they come around eventually.
  • Lorelai: Hello Headmaster Charleston, this is my stepfather Kirk. Please don’t make any sudden movements, he’s a fear biter.
  • Lorelai: Now what’s on the agenda for today? I hear there’s a shipment of plutonium coming in on the docks. And I thought we could dress up as nuns and you could fake a stigmata and you could put the plutonium under your habit.
  • Lorelai: You do know, honey, that garbage doesn’t actually talk at all unless it’s on Sesame Street.
  • Lorelai: I would like a cheeseburger, with a side of cheeseburger, and see if they can make me a cheeseburger smoothie.
  • Lorelai: I’m going to go make out in the coat room. Don’t eat my chicken.
  • Lorelai: Well, we like our Internet slow, okay? We can turn it on, walk around, dance, make a sandwich. With DSL, there’s no dancing, no walking, and we’d starve. It’d be all work and no play
  • Lorelai: I love pudding. I worship it. I have a bowl up on the mantel at home with the Virgin Mary, a glass of wine, and a dollar bill next to it.
  • Lorelai: Your daughter is about to see Richard Gere’s penis. Enjoy your celery.
  • Lorelai: Cheeseburger, onion rings, and a list of people who killed their parents and got away with it. I’m looking for heroes.
  • Lorelai: My mother is fast asleep in my bed, clutching my Hello Kitty pillow, and yes, I have pictures.
  • Lorelai: One day I decided that instead of being hurt and upset by your disapproval, I’m gonna be amused. I’m gonna find it funny. I’m even going to take a little bit of pleasure in it.
  • Lorelai: I hate when I am an idiot and don’t know it. I like to be aware of my idiocy. To revel in it, take pictures. We’ve missed a prime Christmas card opportunity.
  • Lorelai: Come here. You’ve got some dirt on your forehead. I’m sorry. It’s the sign of the devil. My mistake.
  • Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish.

Lorelai And Others:

  • Sookie: I’m the most horrible person in the world.
    Lorelai: My mother will be sad to know she’s been dethroned.
  • Rory: Mom you’re freaking out.
    Lorelai: Yes, I’m freaking out.
    Rory: You can’t freak out, I’m freaking out.
  • Lorelai: Hey, let’s look into each others eyes and say, “I wish I were you” at exactly the same time. Maybe we’ll pull a Freaky Friday.
    Rory: Or we can just pretend like we did, and you can go around acting really immature. Oh wait…
  • Luke: What is this feeling, this tightness in the chest, this anger mixed with paralyzing weakness?
    Lorelai: You’ve been Gilmored.
  • Lorelai: After all, you’re me.
    Rory: I’m not you.
    Lorelai: Really? Someone willing to throw important life experiences out the window to be with a guy? Sounds like me to me.
  • Rory: He’s going to be expecting Chilton High School senior, Trixie McBimbo.
    Lorelai: And her mother, Bambi McBimbo.
  • Lorelai: Can I use the fun cutter thingy?
    Luke: Not if you call it the fun cutter thingy.
    Lorelai: Please?
  • Emily: What are you doing?
    Lorelai: I’m taking out the avocado.
    Emily: Since when don’t you like avocado?
    Lorelai: Since I said “Gross, what’s that?” and you said “Avocado.”
  • Rory: You should walk down the aisle to Frank Sinatra, with a huge bouquet of something that smells really good.
    Lorelai: Pot roast!
  • Rory: Grandma’s still hitting you with the postcards, huh?
    Lorelai: As if nothing even remotely unpleasant happened between us. How does she do that? Compartmentalize like that. It’s weird. She’s the serial killer who goes to work and talks about a funny “Seinfeld” he saw and then goes home and cooks himself a man-flesh sandwich.
  • Luke: Okay, I’m going to take these [spiders] outside. Any particular place you want them?
    Lorelai: Someplace shady. Sheltered from the elements. And close to a talking pig.
  • Lorelai: In the movie, only boy hobbits travel to Mount Doom, but that’s only because the girls went to do something even more dangerous.
    Girl: What?
    Lorelai: Have you ever heard of a Brazilian bikini wax?
  • Emily: As a child, your mother had an unusually large head.
    Lorelai: The best thing about it was that she would tell me — constantly. My first complete sentence was, “Big Head want dolly.”
  • Rory: You set my alarm for 5:15 a.m.
    Lorelai: I know, and I did it for purely practical reasons.
    Rory: Which are?
    Lorelai: My alarm is just not as reliable as your scream.
  • Richard: I like that boy.
    Lorelai: Prove it. Drop your pants!
  • Emily: Plus I think he had a gun in his pocket.
    Lorelai: Maybe he was just happy to see you.
  • Lorelai: Oh, it’s heaven! One quick trip downstairs and I have all the treats I want. You’re like Willy Wonka, but hotter.
    Luke: I am not hotter than Willy Wonka.
    Lorelai: Slap on a purple top hat and you’re close.
  • Lorelai: Voices in my head…totally normal, right?
    Woman: What?
    Lorelai: There’s only two. That speak English.
  • Kirk: Ah, Lorelai, good. I need one minute of your time.
    Lorelai: I’ll give you two because you scare me.
  • Lorelai: I’ll be in in a minute.
    Luke: Who are you talking to?
    Lorelai: My other two personalities.
  • Lorelai: He lived his life the way he thought he was supposed to. He followed the rules taught to him by his non-fishing, non-Barbie-buying dad. He worked hard. He bought a nice house. He provided for my mom. All he asked in return was for his daughter to wear white dresses and go to cotillion and want the same life that he had. What a disappointment it must have been for him to get me.
    Luke: I can’t imagine anyone seeing you as a disappointment.


  • Michel: People are particularly stupid today, I can’t talk to anymore of them.
  • Richard: Only prostitutes have two glasses of wine at lunch.
    Emily: Well then buy me a boa and drive me to Reno because I am open for business.
  • Paris: This great man was not brought down by my vagina, okay.
  • Emily: You can use your mother’s old golf clubs. They’re upstairs, gathering dust, with the rest of her potential.
  • Luke: This thing we’re doing here, me, you, I just want you know I’m in. I’m all in.
  • Rory: Every relationship is just a big honking leap of faith.
  • Rory: I cannot do this alone, I need my mommy and I don’t care who knows it.
  • Rory: I don’t know if she ever realized the person I most wanted to be was her.
  • Zack: Having babies doesn’t mean you can’t be rock and roll!
  • Sookie: It’s my responsibility as your best friend to make sure you do exciting things even when don’t want to.
  • Logan: People can live a hundred years without really living for a minute.
  • Rory: Hey, my mom’s not wearing any underwear.
  • Rory: I don’t want to be that kind of girl who just falls apart because she doesn’t have a boyfriend.
  • Rory: I’m going to have to quit drinking coffee and I love coffee.
  • Luke: Tradition is a trap. It allows people to stick their head in the sand. Everything in the past was so quaint, so charming. Times were simpler. Kids didn’t have sex. Neighbors knew each other. It’s a freaking fairy tale. Things sucked then, too. They just sucked without indoor plumbing.
  • Dean: Yeah, like if you’re eating pizza with them and Lorelai decides that the pepperoni is angry at the mushrooms because the mushrooms have attitude, and then she holds up a pepperoni and the pepperoni asks for your opinion, don’t just laugh. Answer the pepperoni.
  • Kirk: By the way, I think you might be the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen, outside of a really filthy magazine.
  • Jess: I don’t wanna talk to anybody else. I don’t like anybody else.
  • Michel: Everyday you breathe, you make my life harder.
  • Kirk: Excuse me, can I get a napkin to put my napkin on?
  • Rory: I feel so sad and lost. This is what being an adult must feel like.

Yes I know that was a lot, but what can I say there’s just so much greatness in this show I could probably add more.

-Emily Grace | eroxursox


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