Good/Bad Memories

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I was talking about middle/high school with my friend the other day. And it was so weird cause I haven’t talked about that stuff in such a long time. It used to be something I would talk about a lot and something I would think about a lot. But it’s like I haven’t thought or talked about it in awhile. It used to make me sad. Thinking about that stuff, cause there was a lot of bad stuff. But after not talking about it for awhile it’s less depressing now. Now I see things with different eyes. And I am able to concentrate on the good stuff and not just the bad stuff. Or the in-between stuff, or the stuff that was so bad at the time but doesn’t seem so bad now, or even seems funny now.

There’s boys and all the bad memories associated with that, but also the good ones, or the mediocre ones. I remember the first time I truly got hit on, which ended not so great, but there’s still good memories in it. Like feeling all nervous and waiting for texts. Seeing guys when walking and not knowing whether to talk to them or not. I don’t feel that way about things now. I don’t see a cute boy and feel the urge to talk to him. I don’t care about that crap like I used to. Which is good and those memories are also good, they’re what made me, me. My boy experiences shaped by boy life and I think it worked out ok.

There’s bad memories of middle school and the asshats that went there. There’s countless times they made me cry and want to kill myself. And also lots of times where I stood up for myself and I never felt so good and strong. These people made me feel like a bug you step on and scrape off your shoe. But they made me, me. They made me so strong and able to not care what people think. They made me able to be myself because I had no other choice. I either had to be me and try to survive or die. And thankfully I chose the happier decision.

Then man, there’s memories of my friends. My friends who I am no longer friends with, but have endless amazing memories with. These friends may not have stuck by my side and I may not have stuck by theirs. But we were inseparable as kids. We made each other who we are. I have never had as much fun as I did with these friends. As an adult I don’t really have friends and I don’t really have fun. But I used to. And it was good, healthy, nice girl fun. We had picture scavenger hunts and lemonade stands and went to christian youth events. And it was so fun. Just endless laughing and smiling and everything that I don’t get much of anymore.

There’s memories about home life.. Some amazing, some not so amazing. But you know what I miss about that.. I miss my mom. I miss watching tv with her, hugging her, going to her office after school. Telling her to say I was grounded so I wouldn’t have to hang out with someone I didn’t want to hang out with. I honestly miss calling her from school asking to let me come home cause school was such a nightmare. Then I miss coming home and sitting beside her on the couch quietly while she read. I didn’t have to explain anything, I just had to look at her and she saw my pain and she loved me. I miss that. Yes I still have my mom but it’s not the same. I miss the safety of living in her house…

These memories are good, mixed with bad, but still good in the bad. I hated middle/high school. It was the worst thing ever.. But was it? I don’t know anymore. Now it sounds so fun. I miss stalking boys I had crushes on, I miss going to stupid youth group, I miss doing math.. Yeah.. Shut up.. I think it’s good to think about these memories. I think I’m done pushing them inside. I honestly wish my life could be slightly more like it was then. Only slightly, but still.

I wouldn’t mind coming on here to tell some old middle/high school stories. Cause I have some good ones, possibly lots of good ones. Possibly quite a few involving guys, they were innocent but still lots of guys. Man, things change, for worse and better. I am not one of those people that says life is way better after school. It’s better as I don’t get treated like garbage everyday. But other things aren’t better. I miss having fun, I miss.. I don’t know, but I miss it.

– Emily Grace | eroxursox

One Response to “Good/Bad Memories

  • Chandra
    2 years ago

    Love love love you. I too have good and bad memories about those days. The best r with my kids. The cuddling and the parties and tv shows. And just being with my children who I loved more than life. And still do. I miss not having my kids with me to enjoy the sunshine to make slip and slides and have spitting cherry 🍒 contests and watching TV in the sun. So good. Some so sad. But always always will love the time with my kids. Miss them so much but I’m enjoying my life now too.

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